Get Through Holidays Without Losing It

Practical Tips On How To Deal With Family, Friends, and Even Agents During The Holidays

Actors need to get through holidays just like anyone else. The challenge for actors is that family questions can be demoralizing. Moreover, communicating with people in the business, like agents and casting directors can be particularly tricky. You don’t know whether they are working through Christmas and New Year’s Eve or want to be left alone. Below are some important tips on how to navigate this time of the year while keeping your sanity intact.

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Get Through Holidays With Family

Let’s start with family, or the people you probably can’t avoid this time of the year. Family includes:

• A parent who wants to know when you will make a “serious” life or work change;
• an uncle or a cousin who wants to know what TV shows to watch that you are in;
• a guest or neighbor you will be introduced to at a family Holiday party.

Here are some common questions you won’t escape

With rare exceptions, your parents expect to hear of a big life change. Whether you decide to get married, have a child (or get re-married, or have another child), consider a new job or an entirely different career path. Those expectations are common in the life of an actor, no matter how young (or old) you are.

How to answer: turn the question around. “What about you, dad? I heard about boomers starting brand new careers all the time. It can make you feel young and useful again!” Have no mercy but say it all with a smile – your acting skills will come in handy. The trick is to look relaxed if anyone walks in and sees your dad fuming. It will make what once was an anxiety-inducing experience into a memorable mind game you get to win.

Also…

Your cousin whom you haven’t spoken to since the last time they showed up at a Holiday party will want to know: “Have I seen you in any shows recently?” Sometimes that is an honest question – they don’t know how many shows exist. They also don’t know that 90% of actors are not in mainstream movies and TV shows. And, oh, is it hard to keep explaining yourself?

How to answer: it may be tempting to start listing your most recent gigs or any big show where you played a small part. Don’t do that. Rather, turn that question around as well. “What have you watched recently? Tell me each show and I will tell you whether or not I was in it.” If they reply with any excuse as far as their memory, use the same excuse. They don’t remember what they have been watching. You don’t remember the shows you are in. It is less illogical than it sounds. And it will confuse the enemy, giving you enough time to run to the fruit punch table.

A guest at the party whom you had never met may also be curious about your craft. But in their case, curiosity is genuine. Try not to snap at them assuming they are being snarky as your actual family. Be patient and give them a crash course on being a professional actor: from how auditions happen to what is it like to be on a set. They will appreciate it. More importantly, the mean people at the party will stay away from that fun conversation.

Get Through Holidays With Friends

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“May God protect me from my friends. Because I am pretty good at protecting myself from my enemies.” – Unkown

Friends can come with all the best intentions around this time of the year. They may want to drag you into a party you don’t want to go to. Or, they may want company Christmas shopping. Even close friends can have a hard time understanding your need to keep an eye on your schedule. Except for the exact day when Christmas or New Year’s Eve falls, any day is a day your agent can call you for a last-minute gig.

Even if that does not apply to you, the Holiday season may well be when you want to shut it all down and just cuddle with your cat reading a book. There is nothing wrong with that. Actors aren’t the biggest fans of walking a mall for gifts. Most of us actually dread shopping. We often wonder. “Do I like this top, even if it’s not good to wear for a self-tape?”

How to respond to friends’ requests: you may use a little white lie and say you are “pinned” and waiting for a phone call. A cancelation on the next day does not sound that far-fetched. Sometimes your friends just need a friendly reminder that you do not have an office job. Actors rarely match everybody’s energy through Holidays and other events.

What About My Agent?

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One thing most agents have in common is a “business first” approach to life. Can we blame them? They live on commission and can’t afford to block out the Holidays every year. For that reason, you will probably never get an email from your agent saying, “See you in January” at any point during the Holiday season.

So, if you feel guilty for not giving your loved ones full attention when putting up a Christmas tree because your agent could call… well, you are an actor. It is what it is and we are never completely relaxed unless it’s 10 P.M. and some of that fruit punch has already kicked in.

It is also true that agents and managers DO hope to take a break – and give actors a break, too. They just have to pick up the phone if they need you to show up somewhere for a recast. That’s how THEY get through Holidays!

Do Casting Directors Take a Break?

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If your agent is busy it’s because a casting director is swamped. And that can happen through the holidays. Although it is not common that auditions will be on the docket between Christmas and New Year, a last-minute recast is a common occurrence. Moreover, although most productions avoid scheduling filming for those days, it is always possible that several sets are running full-time through the Jingle Bells.

For that reason, remember to “book out” (mark yourself unavailable) for your travel days with your agent if you don’t want to be called or have to turn down an opportunity. Agents and casting appreciate when you keep them up-to-date with availability so they don’t count on you if you are not in town. Keep in mind: any day you do not “book out” is a day you should be available to work, even for a last-minute gig.

Get Through Holidays Without Losing It With Your Significant Ones

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Finally, let’s talk about enjoying your Holiday season. First, you don’t have to celebrate any particular Holiday to give yourself a break at a time when most people slow down. Secondly, you can choose to give your close family – significant other, kids, and pets – more time and attention around this time. Book yourself out if you want to, and follow their pace, enjoying their company.

It doesn’t matter how you choose to get through the Holidays. Just don’t let it stress you out. Make the best of it and be ready for an even better year starting on January 1st.

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